We found this poem whilst sorting out a few old files.  From what we can gather, it was written back in the late 1980’s, before climate change was such a hot topic as it is these days…….We are not sure of the title of the poem.

I am a plain and simple cow with large and hairy ears,

The source of milk and butter now for nigh a thousand years;

But scientists at Mittagong imply that I have sinned

And done the world enormous wrong by simply passing wind,

Which, for a cow, has always been a natural reaction….

In fact, when oats are nice and green, tremendous satisfaction.

To load the fault on other backs, that’s how this mob are made;

It wasn’t me who swung the axe to chop down all the shade;

But now, it seems, the bovine race is condemned en masse

For shooting holes in outer space with deadly methane gas.

Though how I could be blamed escapes my poor detection;

No wind I ever passed was aimed in that obscure direction.

Oh yes, I know it’s not polite, but cows are only human,

We can’t screw our face up tight with bubbles in our rumen;

And anyway, a messy bail is not our pick of places,

Why should we have to jam the tail and practise social graces?

It’s not like dining at the Ritz…..I bet you folks would shudder

With icy fingers on your tits and cold hands up your udder!

Why are we prime suspects?  Why should we head the table?

Have you ever heard the sound effects at daylight in the stable?

The horse has had the best of feeds – molasses, oats and hay

Since knights of yore primed up their steeds to dart into the fray……

But no, they blame the poor old moo, so modest, uncomplaining,

We’ll always end up in the poo while there’s a cow remaining,

I’ve kept it bottled up inside – a passive sort of minion;

No more kow-towing…..I decide to give them my opinion.

I think I’ll go and ferret out where Parliament is meeting

And tell them what I care about the ozone overheating;

I’ll back right up against the rail while they make laws below.

I’ll arch my back and swish my tail……and really let one go!

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